3 Things Keeping You From Achieving Your Goals (And What to Do About Them)

Here's something nobody tells you about goal-setting: The bigger the change you're trying to create, the harder you're going to fight yourself.

Not because you're broken. Not because you lack willpower. Your nervous system is literally designed to resist major transformation.

As a high performer, business owner, and leader, I know the frustration of setting ambitious goals only to find yourself sabotaging your own progress. You know what I'm talking about. That moment when you're reviewing the past year wondering why you didn't accomplish what you set out to do. The painful part is that there's often this nagging shame around it, like admitting the struggle somehow proves you're not strong enough or capable enough.

Here's the truth I've discovered through my own journey and my work in depth psychology: You're not fighting yourself because something is wrong with you. You're likely being held back by three specific things that most people never identify.

Thing 1: You're Misinterpreting Your Resistance as a Stop Sign

What's keeping you stuck:

When you feel that massive internal pushback, that heavy feeling, that voice screaming "turn back," you interpret it as evidence you're on the wrong path. You think the resistance means you should quit, that you're not capable, or that this goal isn't meant for you. So you retreat to what's comfortable, convincing yourself you'll try again when it feels easier.

What's really happening:

Your nervous system treats all major change as a potential threat, regardless of whether it's good or bad for you. Familiar equals safe. Unfamiliar equals danger. It's that simple.

Think about making a small adjustment, like drinking more water each day. You might feel a tiny bit of resistance. Maybe you forget sometimes. No big deal. Why? Because your nervous system barely notices it. Your sense of who you are stays intact. There's minimal perceived risk, therefore minimal pushback.

Now consider leaving your corporate job, starting your own business, or finally stepping into visibility in a way that makes you vulnerable. Now we're talking about genuine, life-altering transformation. The kind that would fundamentally reshape who you are and how you live.

Your brain's threat detection system exists primarily to keep you alive, not to make you happy. So when you attempt significant transformation, it activates your body's entire stress response as if you're facing actual physical danger.

Here's the pattern:

• Small change equals small identity shift equals small resistance

• Major change equals major identity shift equals major resistance

Most people take that massive resistance as proof they're on the wrong path, that they're not cut out for what they're attempting. So they retreat. What if that resistance is actually confirming that you're reaching for something genuinely significant?

What to do about it:

Stop treating resistance as a stop sign. Start seeing it as a measuring stick for how significant the change actually is.

The bigger the resistance, the bigger the potential transformation on the other side. That resistance isn't telling you to quit. It's actually confirming that you're reaching for something genuinely significant.

When resistance shows up, acknowledge it without judgment. Say "okay, resistance is here" and allow it to exist without fighting it or letting it stop you completely. Here's what happens: when you stop being at war with the resistance, it often loses its grip on you.

Get curious about what it's protecting you from. Ask yourself: What experience am I afraid of recreating? What happened before that I'm trying to avoid happening again? Sometimes the resistance is telling you there's healing work to be done first. That's valuable information.

The resistance itself isn't your enemy. How you interpret and respond to it, that's what matters.

Thing 2: Your Unconscious Beliefs Are Running the Show (And You Don't Even Know What They Are)

What's keeping you stuck:

You can force yourself forward for a short time through sheer determination. Eventually though, your unconscious beliefs, the ones operating beneath your awareness, will win out. You'll procrastinate, self-sabotage, or simply lose momentum without understanding why.

These beliefs act like an invisible ceiling on what you can achieve. You cannot perform past your belief system, not for long anyway.

What's really happening:

Most of your beliefs about what's possible, what you deserve, and who you are were formed before you were even old enough to question them. They're now operating automatically, shaping every decision you make.

These beliefs reveal themselves in several key places. Here are three of the most important:

Your assumptions. Those fears playing on repeat in your mind? Each one points to a belief operating in the background. When you assume everything will fall apart, that reveals "I'm not capable of rebuilding" or "there's never enough." When your narrative is "people will judge me," that exposes "my worth depends on others' opinions" or "showing my true self isn't safe."

Your inaction. This is the most revealing indicator. When the moment comes to actually take that step, what happens? Why aren't you moving? Beneath that procrastination, perfectionism, or waiting for the "right time," there's usually a belief about safety or visibility. Maybe you keep your business idea in perpetual planning mode because launching it means being seen, and being seen feels dangerous.

What you're willing to tolerate. What you accept in your life directly reflects what you believe you deserve. Tolerating a relationship where you're undervalued? That reveals beliefs about your worth. Accepting less compensation than you know you're worth? That exposes beliefs about scarcity or your value. Your tolerance threshold is a direct mirror of your belief system.

What to do about it:

First, identify the beliefs by examining these areas. Look at your assumptions, your inaction, and what you tolerate. Write them down. Make them conscious.

Then learn to observe your thoughts in real time without judgment. When a limiting belief shows up, don't fight it or shame yourself. Just notice it. "Oh, here's that thought again." Then gently offer it a different perspective. Not to argue with it, not to force it away, just to introduce another possibility.

This work takes consistent, deliberate practice. You're literally rewiring neural pathways that have been forming your entire lifetime. Use presence practices like mindfulness and meditation to create space between the limiting thought and your response. Most importantly, take actions that contradict the old belief system. Action is the most powerful belief shifter there is.

Once you can see the belief operating, you can begin working with it.

Thing 3: You're Pursuing Goals That Aren't Actually Yours

What's keeping you stuck:

You're working toward something that sounds impressive, that other people think you should want, or that would prove something to someone important in your life. The goal looks good on paper, so you push yourself to pursue it.

The problem? Deep down, something within you knows it isn't truly for you. So you unconsciously sabotage it, lose motivation, or simply can't sustain the effort required.

What's really happening:

If your motivation is external, if it's about proving something to a parent, appearing successful to others, or pursuing what everyone says you should want, it won't sustain you through the difficult moments. When resistance shows up, when those limiting beliefs activate, when the work feels overwhelming, an external why simply isn't strong enough to carry you through.

This might actually explain previous failures to achieve your goals. Not lack of capability or determination. Something within you recognized it wasn't truly for you.

What to do about it:

Drill down to your authentic motivation with what I call the "Why Drill."

Ask yourself: Why do I want this? Then ask: Why is that important to me? Go deeper: Why does that matter?

Keep peeling back layers until you reach the core reason that resonates in your body, not just your logical mind.

Here's what this might look like:

"I want to start my own business."Why? "Because I want financial freedom."Why is that important? "Because I don't want to worry about money."Why does that matter? "Because I want security."Why do you want security? "Because I grew up with financial instability and I don't want to feel that vulnerability again."

There it is. The real motivation isn't about business or freedom. It's about healing a wound around scarcity, safety, and vulnerability.

Now you can ask: Is starting a business the best path to address this? Or have I convinced myself it is because that's what successful people do? Maybe it is the right path. Or maybe you need to reframe it in a way that makes it genuinely about you and what you truly want.

Write a why statement that evokes emotion. Not a logical statement about what you want to achieve, something that moves you at your core, something that makes you feel it in your body when you read it.

When your why is genuinely yours, resistance becomes something you work through, not something that stops you.

There’s more depth here

These three things give you a solid foundation to start working with yourself instead of against yourself, but my latest podcast episode goes far more in-depth. Here's what else I cover:

The complete 5-practice framework for reframing resistance. I walk you through the specific exercise where you write down every fear and ask yourself "Why would it be so bad if that happened?" and "What would I make it mean about me?" - then keep going deeper until you hit the root cause.

The other 2 places your limiting beliefs reveal themselves. Beyond what's covered here, I dive into your emotional patterns and habitual language, plus what your parents taught you about money, success, and what's possible for you.

The 4-step process for actually shifting beliefs. I explain why presence practices like mindfulness and meditation create space between the limiting thought and your response, how visualization and affirmations work as tools for rewiring your brain (not woo-woo, actual neuroplasticity), and why action that contradicts the old belief is the most powerful shifter.

How to write your emotionally resonant why statement. I give you examples and walk through the critical questions to ask yourself about whether you have the support, skills, and willingness to do the inner work this requires.

Why your mind's disaster predictions have a terrible track record. Your resistance can only see through the lens of past experience and can't imagine beyond what's already happened to you. I break down what to do with that understanding.

ACCESS THE FULL EPISODE HERE: https://youtu.be/AmGoDJc1YS8

Take This Work Further

I've created a free comprehensive workbook that takes you through all 5 steps with guided exercises, reflection questions, and practical tools you can use immediately.

This isn't just a PDF. It's a complete working document that will help you identify your specific resistance patterns, uncover the unconscious beliefs keeping you stuck, drill down to your authentic why, and create an actionable plan to work with your system instead of against it.

Download it free: www.thefemininelead.com/freeworkbook

If you're tired of fighting yourself and ready for a completely different approach to achieving what you want, these tools will help.

Because you deserve to move toward your goals without the exhausting internal battle.

P.S. If this resonated with you, I'd love to hear which insight hit home. Comment below or send me a message. I read every single one.

If you found this valuable, share it with another high performer who's been fighting themselves lately. Sometimes we all need permission to stop pushing and start understanding.