You don't have to be one way to succeed! Time to consider taking off that mask

As women in leadership positions, we often face contradictory expectations: be assertive but not aggressive, confident but not emotional, strong but not intimidating. These mixed messages create a fundamental challenge—how do we lead with genuine power when the goalposts keep moving?

The Double Bind of Adaptation

Many of us respond to these expectations in two ways:

Conscious adaptation: We deliberately try to appear tougher, stronger, and less emotional in professional settings. Yet the more we force these behaviors, the less effective we become, often leaving important situations feeling depleted and inadequate.

Unconscious shifts: More subtly, we sometimes automatically switch into different versions of ourselves—becoming more detached or reserved—without even consciously deciding to do so. These shifts happen below our awareness yet significantly impact our leadership effectiveness.

Understanding Our Protective Masks

Through the lens of depth psychology, these adaptive behaviors represent what are called "personas" — protective mechanisms we unconsciously create to shield ourselves from rejection or judgment. While these personas help us navigate different contexts, they become problematic when we believe they're the only way to succeed.

What begins as protection can become limitation.

The Freedom of Uninhibited Leadership

The turning point comes when we realize we don't need these masks. When we bring our uninhibited selves to leadership—our natural values, strengths, and leadership style—something remarkable happens: our effectiveness actually increases.

Why? Because genuine presence creates trust and frees up enormous mental energy previously spent monitoring and adjusting our "performance." This energy becomes available for creativity, connection, and strategic thinking.

Four Practical Steps to More Genuine Leadership

1. Notice when you're "performing" - Identify situations where you feel you need to be someone else. Note physical sensations and emotional responses when you're wearing a mask.

2. Question the "rules" - When you catch yourself thinking "I should be more _____ in this situation," ask: Who says? What evidence supports this as the only path to success?

3. Experiment with showing up fully - In lower-risk situations, bring a bit more of your genuine self forward. Voice that opinion you'd normally withhold or acknowledge uncertainty where you'd typically project perfect confidence.

4. Track the results - You'll likely find the feared negative outcomes don't materialize. Others often respond more positively to your true presence because it gives them permission to be more genuine themselves.

   
   

Beyond the Masks

As we connect more deeply with our natural leadership style, our need for external validation naturally diminishes. The freedom that comes from releasing rigid personas isn't about having no boundaries—it's about consciously choosing how we show up rather than being driven by unconscious patterns.

What masks have you worn in your leadership journey? How has genuine self-expression changed your effectiveness? I'd love to hear your experiences in the comments.