When Fighting the Problem Makes It Worse: The Paradox of Resistance

Everything I resist persists...

This counterintuitive insight has transformed my approach to leadership challenges. For years, I operated on what seemed like common sense: if there's something you don't want in your life or work, push against it. Fight harder. This approach is deeply ingrained in our achievement-oriented culture.

Yet the paradox I've discovered is that resistance often strengthens what we're trying to eliminate.

The Resistance Pattern

Resistance manifests in various ways in professional settings:

• Resisting uncertainty leads to overpreparing to the point of exhaustion

• Resisting vulnerability creates a rigid facade that limits authentic connection

• Resisting challenging feedback results in either dismissing it or obsessing over it

The problem is clear: the more fiercely we fight against these experiences, the more they dominate our professional lives. Resistance to uncertainty creates anxiety, not certainty. Resistance to vulnerability leads to unexpected emotional outbursts. Resistance to difficult feedback creates defensiveness, not growth.

The Alternative Approach

The alternative isn't resignation — it's acceptance. Not saying "this is how things will always be," but acknowledging reality as it exists without adding the extra layer of resistance.

This subtle shift can transform leadership effectiveness:

• Instead of fighting uncertainty, acknowledge it: "Yes, this situation is uncertain." This simple recognition often reduces anxiety immediately.

• Instead of suppressing emotions, observe them: "I'm experiencing strong feelings right now, but they don't define me." This creates space for more skillful responses.

The paradox is that acceptance creates the conditions for change, while resistance locks the unwanted situation in place.

Leadership Application

This principle is especially valuable in managing team dynamics. When we resist certain behaviors on our teams, those challenges often escalate. When we can accept "this is how this person is showing up right now," it creates space for more effective communication & problem solving.

Practical Steps

How can you begin working with this principle?

1. Notice where you're in a fight: Pay attention to areas where you feel yourself pushing hard against something you don't want

2. Remember, acceptance isn't resignation: Accepting "what is" doesn't mean you can't take action to create change

3. Try saying: "I accept that this situation exists right now" and notice what shifts when you stop fighting against reality

   
   

Where in your professional life do you notice yourself resisting most strongly? What might change if you brought acceptance to that situation? Comment below!